he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
tell me about the eggs
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