Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
