new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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