Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
