If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
