her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
