this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
