I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
