there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
