This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
