...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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