When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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