I'm gonna have a badass scar
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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