stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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