i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
4 words: hood of his car
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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