Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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