started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
