franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
