I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
