oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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