I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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