Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
