I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
