its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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