sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
