Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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