worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
