Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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