well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
