At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
