Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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