I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
