I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
