there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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