I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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