john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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