I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
