Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
