every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize