Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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