I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
