ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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