Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
