Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
