this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
