You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just high enough for therapy.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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