The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
