he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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