well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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