The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
