After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
