i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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