saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
