Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Plan B is the new Plan A
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
