DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
