Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
