im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
