I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We got so high we made milksteak
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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