Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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