I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize