Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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