my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
