Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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