I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
