yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
