You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
