Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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