Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
